The Best Chuck Norris Jokes : Chuck Norris does not laugh – Jokes chuck norris At Chuck Norris jokes
When Chuck Norris was born he told his dad he was the man of the house now
Brad Trethowan
Chuck, Norris went to a feminist rally and came home with a sandwich and his shirt ironed !
Dennis Tricker
You know why Chuck Norris has all those jokes and Bruce Lee doesn’t?
Bruce Lee wasn’t a joke.
Leon Brooks
I’ve heard Chuck Norris never gets his password wrong. The computer is too afraid to disagree with him.
Nelson C. Udtujan
Ghosts gather around a campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Kurt MacDonald
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
Paul Pond
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake
Murray Harris
I heard Chuck Norris and Superman fought once. Before they started they agreed that the looser would have to wear his underwear over top of his pants.
Val Pacey
Giraffes weren’t invented until Chuck Norris gave a horse an upper cut
Alex Vlas
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice!
Zoochs’ Earth Moving & Landscaping Tight Access Excavation Specialist
·
Chuck Norris got bitten by a brown snake .. after a few days of a excruciating pain the snake finally died
Michael Alan
He could of done anything with that salt shaker. Closed a black hole, cured cancer, invented a new type of fish taco.
But no, instead be broke that old man’s nose. Pretty sure he died right after the video ended.
Benjamin Pyle
I heard Chuck norris doesn’t throw up he throws down.
Derek Toth
If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5 Chuck Norris has $10
Tony Briggs
Chuck Norris has a bear skin rug in his living room, the bear isn’t dead it’s too scared to move
Edited
James Killinger
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, it breaks, because it knows better than to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Edited
Willy Williamson
Chuck Norris went on vacation to the Virgin Islands. When he left they were renamed The Islands.
Joshua Daniels
I wouldn’t mind watching an utterly outrageous movie with him playing out the best of these jokes.
Paul Pond
Chuck Norris was originally cast as ‘brody’ in jaws but had to give up the role as jaws wouldn’t turn up for filming
Chris Pappas
Sharks dedicate one week every year to Chuck Norris.
Sean McGuigan
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born at
Rolex Marcelo
I heard no one could ever beat Chuck Norris so they had a movie scripted for a Bruce Lee victory.
Jeff Furtney
Chuck once pissed in the gas tank of a truck as a joke…
That truck is known as Optimus Prime!
Matt Akhurst
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on real life events.
Once, Chuck Norris swallowed a tank of baby turtles. When he shat them out, they were six feet tall and had learned karate.
William Porritt
Chuck Norris wears cowboy boots made from real cowboys…
Tony Roy
Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter plane by pointing at it and yelling “Bang!”
Brandon Sager
I heard when Chuck Norris does push ups he doesn’t push himself up he pushes the earth down.
Matt Moore
Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare he only eats Unicorn
Anthony Cilluffo
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist….
Michael Hammond
Chuck once didn’t like how a horse looked at him, so he kicked it in the chin. Now we have giraffes.
Steve Hogg
Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.
Jake Moore
How many push up can chuck norris do ???
!! ALL OF THEM !!
Robert Reza Kruthoffer
After Chuck Norris was born he drove his mother home!!
Gary McGinn
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from chuck norris
Peter Gibbons
Superman has a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas
Liam McCann
Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird!
Dave Drown
Chuck went skydiving and his chute failed to open… He took it back to the parachute store and got a refund!
Doug Joe Joey Allen
It would have been way funnier if he threw the salt shaker, at Chuck and it hit him right between the eye’s, he fell to the ground and began weeping, uncontrollably.. Nobody would have expected that. The art of surprise.
Edited
Brandon Lanahan
I heard Chuck Norris beat call of duty on expert with a broken guitar hero controller.
Will White
Chuck Norris can’t walk on water.
… But he can swim through the earth.
Tom Styczynski
Chuck Norris has the best poker face of all time. He won the 1986 World Series of Poker while holding a joker, a “Get Out of Jail Free” Monopoly card, a two of clubs, a six of Spades, and a green number four card from the game Uno
Edited
Barry Huddlestun
In a way I understand how these comparisons got under Chucks skin ag first. But I also appreciate how they were only meant to enhance the legend. But unfortunately there will be a time when Chuck may not see what is coming. So I hope people remember to… See more
Paul Hamilton
I heard Instead of the doctor spanking Chuck at birth , Chuck spanked the doctor.
David Michael Christmas
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You know how many pushups Chuck Norris can do?
All of them!
Willy Childs
Where’s a hat to protect the sun
Dennis Charles Baines Monteiro
I’ve heard cats say they have Chuck like reflexes. Hahaha
Evan Delaney
When Chuck Norris jumps in the swimming pool, he doesn’t get wet…
The water gets “Chuck Norrised”. My favorite!!! Hahahahaha!!!!
Mike Rose
Haha if Chuck was so great he’d come here and smash my face into my keyboa zjdjsn smakzm.x x dnksms.smwksojdbebdunsmwkd
Tony Della Valle
Chuck Norris’s daughter lost her virginity… Chuck Norris got it back
Shane Langman
Chuck Norris once parallel parked a train
Andrew Fitch
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack, because his heart isn’t stupid enough to attack him.
Richard Roper
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Owen Corfield
(Borrowed)
Chuck Norris, can pull wellies on a unicycle!
Richard Griffith II
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
Craig Huffman
What commercial is this? Hilarious.
Heather Burn
Anyone remember when a king cobra bit Chuck Norris, few days later the king cobra died.
Karl Schwolow
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did….
Matthew Marshall
Why are we so old? I used to write Chuck Norris notes in every portopotty from Kandahar to Kabul and Basra to Baghdad.
Dakota Christensen
I heard Chuck Norris is already dead but death is too scared to tell him
Thomas Valdez
This would have been funnier if Chuck had said “You owe him a dollar!”
Miguel A. Morales
I heard Chuck Norris was in a cage with a tiger when the tiger growled at him. The handler told him not to panic and to slowly and carefully back away from him. The tiger then started to back away from Norris.
Edited
Denis Omar
I heard Chuck Norris do this
May be an image of 2 people, people standing, snow and text
Michael Phillips
I heard that death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Mitch Cultrona
I’m at Chuck Norris had a book signing in Parma when I was a kid if you’re listening love you man you’ve been an incredible inspiration
Kingi Harty Turnbull
We are all Chuck Norris’s kids
Edited
Johnathan Hamilton
Chuck is so tough, he has no chin. There’s just another fist under his beard
Bryant Hunt
I have the best true Chuck Norris related story from when I was in Iraq. If you have ever been in an Army porta potty you would know that all of them are marked up with like a hundred Chuck Norris jokes like these. Well back in the summer of 2007 I wa… See more
Donald Ayers
Chuck norris beat superman in a fight and left him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.
Justin L Durrant
I heard Chuck norris created giraffes when he round house kicked a horse in the neck.
Bill Naldrett Jr.
I heard Chuck Norris made love from the next room.
Hayfever King
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When Chuck was born – he named his parent’s!!
Jill Parrilla
I heard at night the boogie man checks under the bed for chuck
Braden Talley
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
David Coomes
Chuck Norris is able to do push-ups with both hands tied behind his back…
Joseph Blaine
I heard that Chuck Norris hit the ground and the ground fell!
Jonathan Richardson
Only time Chuck Noris got Chuck Norised was when he fought Bruce Lee.
Alex Kennebeck
Jacob Eggers I heard when Chuck Norris goes hiking grizzlies look out for him.
Edited
KyliAnn Duitsman
I heard chuck norris built the cabin he was born in with his bare hands.
Stephen Dolan
Best commercial.
Derek Wilson
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver and won!
Chuck Norris crawled through the dessert once with a bonner….its now known as the Grand Canyon!
Leroy Dever
I heard Chuck Norris rides the motor without the cycle cracked me up the most. Had not heard that one before.
Brian Williams
When Chuck Norris was walking down a gravel road in Tennessee behind him it was paved
Gregg Clarke-Lusk
I heard that if Chuck Norris visit Moscow, Putin packs up and moves to Argentina.
Cee Jay
I hear he was bit by a king cobra and after 6 days of agonizing pain the cobra died!! My favorite one
Rick Holmes Sr.
He never made himself with pride. From what I’ve seen, he never gave into pride. He always gave GOD above the glory. As far as Bruce ???? Bruce Lee was his close friend. I apologize! Chuck Norris if ive overstepped.
James Miller
Chuck Norris is so tough he drives a TACOMA
John-Michael L’Allier
Once, Chuck Norris was petting a tiger (you know, at one of those places where you got a Polaroid of you petting said tiger). Suddenly they heard this deep, fierce growl and the trainer said, “okay, you need to stand up and slowly back away.” So the ti… See more
Jason Givens
They successfully cloned Chuck Norris. They named it John. It loves puppies.
Matt Bittenbender
This was a constant game I played with some of my co-workers. Mondays centers around NFL and Chuck Norris phrases. Some are in here.
Justin Snodgrass
When Chuck’s daughter lost her virginity, he went and got it back!
Bill Watson
When Chuck Norris went to daycare he told his father would be the man of the house until he returned
Samantha Bennett Karaka
Dollyee Bennett I heard chuck Norris travelled back in time and gathered himself. remember when we loved these
Andrew Jenkins
Chuck Norris once held a chair above his head…
While he was sitting on it
Ferraiz Sam
I hear chuck norris had such great motivation and focus that he overcame the adversity he grew up in.
Richard Buzzetti
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade that killed twenty people…….then it exploded.
Eurico Jfr
I heard, Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Justen Duane Gray
When Chuck’s mother went for an ultrasound the only thing the doctor could see was a perfectly healthy beard!!
Steve Eldridge
If you have ever been deployed every fob I had been on had a chuck Norris stall
David Thomson
i heard Chuck Noris does have mirrors in his house, they crack under the reflection from his eyes/
David Gore
Chuck norris died 20 years ago but death hasn’t had the courage to tell him yet
David Wright
Charles bronson was born so chuck norris has someone to be afraid of
Brian Blake
Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear. Also Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried ever.
Manuel Gomez
Chuck Norris was never in a TV show called walker Texas ranger. A camera crew followed him around in his every day life.
Chuck Norris did not have a cameo in the expendables. He just happened to walk by while they were filming and the scene with him wa… See more
Dallin Boardman
Chuck Norris was born in a wood cabin he built with his own hands.
Scot Andrews
I heard Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage !
Rick Holmes Sr.
Ummm may I say??? Sorry, Mr, Norris is from what I’ve seen he’s a man of GOD! A man that has my respect! He’s still young and has taught so many of us respect!
John McDougall
I don’t know if it is true. But I heard Bruce Lee, and Chuck were buddies.
I wonder what Mr Lee would find this funny, or insulting.
Robbie McClure
Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he has never cried
Howard Haunpo
Chuck Norris tweaked his Harley and now it’s 4-wheel drive
Erwin Janssen
I heard that chuck norris lost the fight from Bruce Lee..
McClain Chelsey Herrera
Chuck Norris was so strong that he just let Bruce Lee win
Jo Benitez
I heard when Chuck Norris sneezes, he blesses YOU, you don’t bless him
Brian Mountain
Chuck Norrises tears cure cancer, too bad Chuck Norris doesent cry.
Ryan Licce
I heard that Chuck built the hospital he was born in
Susan Bloise Cruz
I love me some Chuck Norris!
Joe Izzo Jr
Chuck’s smile once bright a pot back to life
Chuck was born in the house he built with his own hands
Mickey Toad
Remember he was bit by a king cobra. There was 3 days of extreme pain then the snake died.
Sara Scarmeas
I heard chuck Norris’s tears cure illnesses, to bad he never cries
Clint Strasler
On the show Walker-Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris’ partner isn’t black. He’s bruised.
Louis Santillo
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to season his meat.
Chuck Norris has a diary; it’s called the Guinness Book of World Records.… See more
Edited
Chris Ewen
When Chuck Norris was born I heard heard he slapped the Dr. Who delivered him
Alan van Andel
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra, after 5 days of agonizing pain, the cobra died..
Steve-o Childers
Chuck Norris is so powerful that mythology is based off his exploration of his dreams.
Joshua Burkes
I heard when chuck norris does push ups
He doesn’t push up he pushes the world down
Tyler Takács
Chuck’s tears can cure cancer… too bad he never cries.
Brandon Vonbergen
I heard Chuck Norris does Stone Cold Steve Austin’s laundry… for free
Shaun Culp
Chuck Norris doesn’t do push ups he does world downs.
When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake he doesn’t get wet the lake gets Chuck Norrisy.
Edited
Erik Parish
When check Norris goes swimming, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised
Erick James Van Caeseele
I heard the Boogieman tells stories of Chuck Norris to his kids at night to make sure they don’t act out.
Foca Nicolae Eugen
I heard they wanted to call a bridge Chuck Norris, but they realised no one cross Chuck Norris! He was born by an aunt in the cabin he has already built
Edited
Eric Hanson
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck never cries.
Michael Hayes
When Chuck Norris goes in the ocean he doesn’t get wet, the ocean gets Chuck Norrised
Eduardo Serna Loera
Man these jokes have been going on for years now, and they never disappoint. I heard chuck Norris once shot down a plain by pointing his finger at it and saying bang!
Marc Bernhardt Sahin Lindholm
Chuck Norris died many years ago. Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
John Dean
When Chuck Norris sleeps Freddy Krueger prays that Chuck don’t dream of him
Edited
Stacey Dee
Everyone makes Chuck Norris jokes but nobody makes Bruce Lee jokes.
That’s because Bruce Lee is not a joke.
Zachary Taylor Barton
Chuck Norris drove his mom home after he was born.
Cordero Ray Cruz-Hernandez
I heard that Chuck Norris invented gummie bears. From when a bear thought he could take a bite out of Chuck and lost all his teeth.
David Robert Gleeson
The sun doesn’t set for months in the arctic, it’s because Chuck Norris is sun bathing there and it’s just too scared!
Aneurin Miles
Bronson Warwick what it was like in the Barrens in The Burning Crusade
Maik Kra
When Chuck Norris meets John Wick, he jelled „You will not use the pencil“ , they both agreed , and Chuck gave him his Dog back …
Dean Gordon Emms
I heard Bruce Lee beat him in the Olympics
Bob Erwin
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he already had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Matt Kearney
Technically, he didn’t catch it, so…. yeah, you owe the man a dollar,
Edited
Danny Jimenez
When Chuck Norris walks into a dark room, the dark turns on the light
Brandon McCloy
When Chuck gets in water he doesn’t get wet the water gets chuck norris
Joe Duh
I heard that Chuck Norris makes onions cry…
Derek Luis
I heard Chuck Norris invented A.I. His computer was too afraid to tell him his password was wrong.
Edited
Richard Wilson
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Keith Budaus
Chuck Norris named his parents.
William White
I heared when Chuck Norris does push ups he pushes the world down
George Ziddy
When Chuck Norris does push ups, he pushes the planet down.
Martin Ward
I heard Chuck Norris was nothing until Bruce Lee cast him and I hear Chuck Norris was nothing after the movie…
Leo Veneziano
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he pushes the earth away.
Jason Peterson
When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he actually pushes the world down
Roscoe Gravener
When chuck Norris goes into the water he doesn’t get wet, the water gets chuck norris
Kane Ainsley
I heard chuck Norris got bit on his Weiner by a cobra!!! After 8 agonising days the cobra died
Ryan Slapak
David Coomes when he does use his hands, he’s not doing push-ups. He’s pushing down the earth.
Clarke Evans
I heard chuck norris lost his V-card before his dad
George Wagner
Chuck Norris got bit by a cobra, after 7 days of excruciating pain, the snake died
Cameron Hentschel
I heard that when Chuck does a push up, he doesn’t push himself up he pushes the world down.
JJames FFinlay
When Alexander Graham bell designed the telephone
he had a missed call for Chuck Norris
Logan Vanley
You know Chuck Norris isn’t really that tough.. If he is so good why doesn’t he just teleport behind me and slam my head into the keyboaahbbfjjxbdbbznbzbxbdbhdbdhhxbsbzhbbbbfffffffgfffffffffffffjsjdbdbdbhhhvdbdvxvxvvvvhelphhdhdbdhdbdbdbvbbbbv
Stephen Sherbin II
I heard Chuck ask someone to pull his finger and Hiroshima went up in a cloud of smoke
Mark A Jacobsen
Chuck Norris doesn’t take a pole to go fishing, because all bears in the area just throw their fish into his basket.
Michael Duell
Jesus could walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Josiah Fontes
I heard that they were actually going to put chuck Norris on mount Rushmore! I guess what happened was about a week into the project they realized that the granite wasn’t even strong enough for his stubble
Kevin Granholm
I heard Chuck Norris drove his mother to the hospital to give birth to himself
Tom Styczynski
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky kid to be thrown into the sun
Nicolas Boulaine
I heard Chuck Norris wanted to play in GoT.
Lady Mormont said “No”…
Edited
Thomas Henderson
When little Johnny goes to bed he wears Superman underwear but Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear to bed*Chuck Norris won a staring with the sun*Chuck Norris can watch 60 Minutes in half an hour*When Chuck Norris jumps into the water he doesn’t get … See more
Corky Kaericher
When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Mark Lica
When chuck does push ups, he doesn’t push himself up, he pushes the earth down
Rawin Ista
When Chuck Norris does a push up he actually pushes the earth down
Chris Thompson
Legend has it chuck Norris kicked the dr’s face when he was born
Christian Renwick
Chuck Norris is so fast.. he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head
Cordero Ray Cruz-Hernandez
I heard that Chuck Norris ended WW2 at the age of 5. Because he shifted the Axis Power and broke it.
Ryan Lawson
I heard that Chuck Norris can fly a plane by throwing it.
Curtis Anderson
I heard the boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed
Joe Duh
I heard the Devil sold his soul to Chuck Norris…
Craig Helmle
Maybe a hundred years ago Chuck Norris was scary, the only thing frightening about him now is what he deposits in his diapers
Danny Lugo
I heard Chuck Norris had a nightmare and Freddy Krueger yelled “Somebody Please Wake Me Up “
Edited
Tony Cheshier
my fav is when banner chanes into the hulk and gets mad he turns into chuck norris
David Clegern
I asked Chuck how many push-ups he could do, and he said “all of them”.
Marks Prayers
His karate shop, was crossed the street from my family store A1 produce Redondo Beach.
Allison Renzi
I’ve heard that Chuck Norris’ beard weeps when faced with the might of Tom Selleck s mustache.
Lance Doss
I love how chuck norris just goes with it
Zeke S. Creed
I heard Chuck Norris has nightmares about Bruce lee
Jason Brodie
When Chuck Norris goes to his underwear draw all of his boxers scream ME, ME, ME, ME, PLEASE… PICK ME!!!
Edited
Ella Hugetobler
I heard when Chuck Norris gets into the water, he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
Edited
Stefan Wehnes
When Chuck Norris goes in the water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet.
The water gets Chuck Norissed..
Samual Payne
I heard Chuck Norris punched the earth so hard it’s STILL spinning
Nathaniel Bryant Jr
Chuck Norris jumps into water he doesn’t get wet, water gets Chuck Norrised
Richard Roper
Chuck Norris walked into chemistry class and ripped the Periodic Table of Elements off of the wall. Why?
Because the only element Chuck Norris needs is the element of surprise.
Ro Frid
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade that killed 50 soldiers.
Then it exploded.
Merv Keyes
Chuck Norris wasn’t born, he drop kicked his way out of the womb.
Gary Good
I heard when Chuck moon walks it causes the waves to stop.
Edited
Nelson Moreno
If Chuck Norris were so tough he’d find me and bang my head into lajshshsgavaksnzb
Kevin Carhart
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror while walking under a ladder as a black cat walked by….later that day he won the lottery.
Edited
Carl Shoemaker
Great jokes I never heard them enjoying them
Landon Long
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a rattlesnake. After 3 days of pain and suffering, the rattlesnake died.
Calbert Edgewater
The cobra bit chuck norris, and the cobra died
Johnny Canuck
Chuck Norris scares grizzly bears so much that they go vegan when he goes camping.
Brandon Tumeke Curtis
Chuck Norris doesn’t do push ups, he pushes the earth down
Stetson Maddux
I love chuck Norris memes! CAUSE THEY ALL TRUE! THATS WHY CHUCK IS MY HERO!
Chino G Duke
So this one time Chuck Norris  comes to a zoo to pet, a tiger, and then all of a sudden you hear a growl. Then the trainer says all right just get up and back away real slow so that’s what he did. The tiger got up and backed away very slow. 
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